i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
