But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
