Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
4 words: hood of his car
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize