I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
