It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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