My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My brain says no but my pants say off.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
