my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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