I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize
