You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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