first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
