He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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