Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
