i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
