My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
