the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
