I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
