Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
