Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize