she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
