just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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