He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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