at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
