So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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