I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
