Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How external is "for external use only"?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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