i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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