So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
