There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize