I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
