Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
