Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
