here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
