Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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