Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's Friday. Sex?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize