and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
