ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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