y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My ATM looks so different sober.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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