Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
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