So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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