Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
