He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
