Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
