this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
