It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
