who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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