Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
