i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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