my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
