I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
