the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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