4 words: hood of his car
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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