he looks like a really good dad on facebook
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
