Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Congratulations! We have a period
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
