I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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