I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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