Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
