i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
