You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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