i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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