I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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