I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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