Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
