I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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