he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize