I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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