I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
