Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Go christen that room with your naked body.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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