I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
