My nipple is on Facebook.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
