I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
