$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
