1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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