All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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