Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
