Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
