WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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