...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
