Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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