they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
