I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
