even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
