Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When are your genitals available?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
