im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
