Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
