I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Randomize
