dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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