I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
