hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
one might say we're banned from that church
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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