dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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