the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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