I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
