Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
