he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
