The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
