Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize