the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
