It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
