4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
