Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
