I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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