i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
