Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
