What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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