Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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