So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
