My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize