DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
