I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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