I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
