her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
