Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
